Don’t go alone to Meet the Rebels Day|Ole Miss Hot Topics|Team BattleGround|College BattleGround

Saturday is Meet the Rebels, an annual event held at the Manning Center where Ole Miss have an opportunity to — you’re not going to believe this — meet the Rebels. Specifically, the Ole Miss football, soccer, volleyball, and rifle teams, as well as the cheerleaders and Rebelettes will be available to meet, greet, take pictures with,* and sign autographs for fans.

*Except for the football team. You aren’t allowed to take photos or videos with them, per the rules. Kind of an important detail?

I’ve never been to this event, but I’ve seen videos of it on episodes of “The Season” so I am an expert with regards to how someone should behave while in attendance. So, knowing that, heed my word: if you’re planning on attending tomorrow, my most important piece of advice for getting the most out of your Meet the Rebels experience is to not go by yourself.

I’m not looking out for your social well-being. I don’t care about your social well-being.

Okay, I care, but I don’t know you, and if you’re lonely or shy or quiet, that’s all fine. If you like Ole Miss and enjoy doing so alone, that’s also fine, if unorthodox. But going to Meet the Rebels by yourself is kinda weird. Like, what’s your deal, even?

I was tempted to say that really any adult that isn’t there to supervise children shouldn’t attend, but I was talked out of that. What if there’s a young couple with a free afternoon and a hankering to meet Benito Jones? He’s not going to remember you, but if you think that’s a fine way to spend time together then go for it. What if you’re a family of long-time Oxonians and you keep an extensive collection of Ole Miss quarterback-signed footballs? I don’t get that, but I think it’s really neat you have a hobby that you all can share together. So, while I still maintain that this is an event for children, I won’t pillory adult friends or family who go together. Go, and enjoy yourselves.

Just don’t go alone. You’ll stand in line for hours, quietly, and everyone will think you’re super weird. People will get uncomfortable. Matt Luke will think you’re kinda creepy. Even worse, the players will think you’re an autograph dealer, and those people are total pieces of shit.

So, like, find a friend or something and make them go so you don’t look so odd. Or just don’t go at all. That’s probably your best option.